Existence of 'God'?

For quite sometime now I had completely abandoned the idea of a creator 'God', someone who sat as arbitrator on the events of the world. If at all there was someone, that someone is well beyond human reason, this is what I held. To those who propound a merciful God of the world, I had only few questions to ask: forget the endless number of natural disasters which seem sent to swallow men by the thousands, the Tsunami and Katrina being the latest, even the small timeline of a few thousand years of our memory is crowded with events of guesome cruetly of man to fellow man.

If Islamic armies committed macabre raids on India and the rest of the world upto just a few hundred years ago, the holocaust is not far from our view, 'Lajja' must bring me closer home and the latest Iraq war is still festering. A thousand people die in Iraq every week, their lives reduced to figures in the politcal battles in western capitals. How can a loving God, God of mankind permit such things? If even we accept that these are 'temporary' events in 'Cosmic' vision, every suffering man can know how intense the pangs of individual misery is. Unless ofcourse that God is among the sufferers. And that God is also evil as much as is good, and the veil as much as She or He is light.

This is Navaratri and Kaali is the answer. She generates life as much as She grants death. Nothing is excluded from Her. I for long, accepted 'Being' as the ultimate and dismissed a possible divine 'Will'. But what if that 'Will' is all play and that play is not simple? The answers to the most profound questions in life are paradoxes. 'Being-Will' seems to be the answer. A new joy has come over my life, I'm not a lost twig being whirled around by this current of life. There is an anchor and a direction.